Essentially Nothing

The past 7 days have been some of the worst since I had Mono (Glandular Fever for you Brits) back in 2005. It’s also the first time I’ve needed to take sick off of work since then too. Told early in the week by the doctor that it was a chest infection I returned with additional symptoms on Thursday to be told that actually it might also be piggy flu. Even though I do have some residual symptoms I can finally see the end of the tunnel – and am finally starting to feel quasi-human again.

Needless to say my food consumption this week has been refined to the glories of water, tea, Lemsip, chicken stock, and a few other really fabulous items like Dioralyte.

So in an effort to find a bit of humour in a really not-so-funny situation...here are my top 4 reasons why it’s good to have the swine flu (I wanted a top 5 but for the life I can’t think of a 5th, so if anyone can shed some light – please do).

Top 4 Reasons it’s good to have swine flu:

1. Instant diet: Can’t think of any other way I would have lost 6 pounds in 6 days
2. Instant Money Saver: Lucky me (not) I had to cancel lots of fun plans – savings estimated at around £120
3. Lying in bed, in misery, staring at the ceiling is actually more exciting than my current project
4. To the inappropriate man who last Saturday thought it was acceptable to pull me off the stage and land one on me without so much as asking. SERVES YOU RIGHT. I called you a pig at the time. How apropros.

Scarily wrong

Don't try this at home.

Contrary to my typical pats on the back (confidence not arrogance mind you) I had a recent humbling experience with some Halloween spook-tastic cupcakes I made. While they did fit the bill ‘theme-wise’ (the spiders were my favourite) they were really unappealing on the palette. I’m not sure if proper etiquette kept friends from saying as much but whereas typically there are fights over the last cakes and even crumbs – many of these sad little monsters got binned in the end. Unfortunate times, I know.

You see, where I went wrong is that I was trying to make fabulous autumnal – inspired cakes (spiced pumpkin with an orange cream cheese frosting) but also hoping to decorate them with brightly coloured sugar and sweets ala Halloween.

What I didn’t realise is that my skills in decorating (ok not the best YET) would actually distract me from actually tasting what I was making. I was so giddy to start decorating the cupcakes that in fact I wasn’t too fussed about what they tasted like – until later when I did.

I think the lesson learned is that for the most part grown-ups (and as much as I try not to put myself in this category, I am) don’t necessarily need their cakes decorated with lots of EXTRA sugar and sweets. That said, with any kids around I still think it’s a fun thing to do. Honestly, I had more fun cutting up those liquorice legs than I have for a while (sad state of affairs, I won’t disagree)! It was just so much fun to PLAY with my food. It’s severely underrated. I think my advice for next time though would to just stick with a basic tried and tested cupcake recipe.

Apple Peeping

No matter the time of year or where you are you can always find a sturdy apple in your local grocery store. Like the stylist who’s been cutting your hair forever, it can sometimes be easy to take her for granted. She’s always been around and you can count on her when you need her to work through the “edgy mullet” you got while vacationing in Spain - so what’s the big whoop-dee-doo right? Not quite. Clearly you need to keep the relationship in line with a bit of repeat contact, TLC, and good tipping. With apples, it’s sort of the same thing. They also need some special love now and again – maybe in the form of a lattice topped cheddar apple pie or stuffed inside a pork loin with ginger and herbs. And really, there’s no better time to do so than in the autumn months.

It’s true - I do enjoy apples year round, but the fact is they do have special moments and they don’t sing any louder than during this ‘leaf peeping’ time of year. Something in the crunch of leaves underfoot must be music to their ears.

Since my favourite varieties, Macoun and McIntosh are not to be found in the UK (a moment of silence whilst I shed a tear please) I’ve been making do with a number of different varieties. My current favourite at the moment I’m embarrassed to admit actually isn’t native to old Blighty either, but the Kiwi imported Jazz. I realise I need to get out more and sample the vast selection of home-grown varieties. Alas, my farmer’s market tours have been a bit sparse of late due to weekend jaunts to the Continent over the past month.

Still, realising 'tis my favourite season for apples, last Sunday had me cooking pancakes with a mapple* compote and toasted pecans. I used my old standby, the Granny Smith, needing their tartness to balance out the sweetness of the maple syrup**.

Buttermilk Pancakes with a Mapple - Pecan Compote (serves 2)

Pancakes:

I used a standard buttermilk pancake recipe, but doctored it as such:

1/2 teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup cottage cheese (which if you've read my earlier blog on pancakes you'll remember is the secret ingredient for fluffy pancakes)

Compote:

2 Granny Smith or Braeburn apples (peeled and cut into 1 inch pieces)
1 Tbsp butter
2 Tbsp maple syrup
1 tsp cinnamon
1/3 cup pecans - finely chopped***


1. Melt butter in a small sauce pan over medium heat
2. Add apples, maple syrup, cinnamon - stir until apples are soft and cooked through (about 15 minutes)
3. While the apples are cooking, toast the pecans in a warm oven of 150oC, for about 10 minutes stirring occasionally


* Maple + Apple
** Pure and from New Hampshire (for aficionados of maple syrup this distinction of 'pure' is critical to the entire dish)
***Use a small mini chopper to get the pecans fine, why?
1. It takes up no space on the counter and saves a mess by avoiding you having to pull out and then clean your massive food processer
2. The pancakes and compote need the pecans (I don't know why but they seem to make a world of difference)

Happy Happy Birthdays

You'd think you would reach a point where birthdays just don’t have the same effect as when you were 6 (first of many cabbage patch kids), 13 (lots of 'wet n wild' makeup and a Guns N Roses CD), 21 (21 shots and very nearly a bowling jacket - no comments from those lovely friends who were in attendance please) or even 25 (my first 'first class' flight and a move over to London for Graduate School). The excitement and pizzazz of (ahem) post 30 just shouldn't have the same 'wow' factor. Luckily for me, I refuse to grow up - and my birthdays just keep getting better.

Friday, September 25th saw me ushering 14 of my closest girlfriends over to mine for a "quiet girly night in", complete with too many desserts, pizza from Firezza, lots of bubbles, and the extraordinarily bizarre Leon - Tarot Reader Extraordinaire.

Thinking it might be fun to have a tarot reader as some light entertainment, never in all my years could I have expected what rocked up that night. With a 'do that was hiding a nest of small animals and a lisp, Leon was quite simply pure comedic entertainment.

For some of my friends, the whole tarot concept went over a bit better (e.g. those that were informed of fortunes they'd soon be receiving). Others, like the lovely JW, was told she'd be getting her heart broken not once, but twice - and soon!

I thought I was certainly due a great reading (it was my birthday after all - the stars must be aligned somewhere). However, even with three shufflings of the decks - the most 'insightful' (insert sarcastic tone here) comment I got was his commentary about me "trying to do everything at one" (fair enough - probably true). However, it was poetically worded like this:

"Here, there, everywhere...Dana, you're like a fart in the air."

Yeppers, I was actually called a 'fart' on my birthday. I won't lie, I nearly wet myself laughing.

This comment was only trumped later in the night with Leon offered to hook me up with a possible gig working for Alice Cooper. He had a friend who performed on stage with him - "dancing around like Britney Spears and pretending to decapitate Alice.” She was looking for a replacement - was I interested? I honestly couldn't have scripted this stuff any better.

So, with entertainment a success - so too was the food. The sweets (we'll get to these in a minute folks) were balanced out with delicious thin crust pizza and a homemade salad of French lentils, goat’s cheese, and roasted butternut squash. Drizzled with fig balsamic glaze and truffle oil - it's my new favourite fall salad - a fricken unbelievable combo.

Deserts were a power combo; a Blitz Torte (meringue, vanilla, and pecan cake layers surrounded by fresh whipped cream and strawberries) and Salted Carmel Chocolate Cupcakes.

Clearly I'm on a salted caramel kick (last month making an ice cream version). These cupcakes are my new special occasion favourites though. There's a bit of an effort in making the salted caramel separately and carving out little holes in the baked cupcakes to fill them with it. Although it's an even bigger effort when the first batch you make accidentally doesn't have any sugar in them (I've learned baking and wine drinking do not mix particularly well).

Luckily, this “carving out” process to make room for the salted caramel requires you to throw out 18 mini bites of chocolate cupcake. And clearly, when recipe calls for “throwing out” – they mean, pour some milk (or more wine) and consume.

A bite of ... home

I spent late August and early September in the beautiful New England sunshine. Contrary to last summer the rain was at bay for most of my stay. I had a fill of my favourites – lobster from “the lobster connection,” “fried duck” from the local Thai place next to the high school, cocktails with my two favourite ladies, Dr. B and SU- C, and an assortment of Audrey treats.

On my end I did a little less cooking than normal due to dinner plans out with family and friends. However, I managed to make Audrey's favourite Rhubarb Cake from Yellow Bistro in Sydney, grill some delicious peaches with feta, blood orange vinegar, and candied bacon and a few other miscellaneous treats. Even though those peaches with the feta and candied bacon were legendary, it was the sexy salted caramel ice cream I made, which warrants it's own laud.

Now, realise – I don’t even really like ice cream. If I was captain of the dodge ball team and I had to pick players, cake, blueberry pie, even fruit salad would be first choices. I’ve always liked ice cream in small doses – and as an accoutrement to the star player – but never in the leading role. I know, I’m weird.

The salted caramel ice cream was one of the creamiest ice creams I’ve ever come across and while “salted caramel” may put a few people off, it was nothing less than divine. It wooed. It tempted. It literally begged to be eaten. When the spoon was placed in the mouth the eyes instantaneously closed, breathing slowed down and there were no distractions at all. Just like a “calgon, take me away" moment. Only better.

Strawberry Jam Cakes

It took an “English Garden Summer Party” theme at last month’s Guilty Pleasures to get me thinking about ‘cupcakes’ a bit differently. Always one to bring a new signature cupcake to the monthly gig – I felt this was an opportune time to bake alongside the theme. That said, “English Garden Summer Party” brought up images of croquet, linen, strawberries and cream and Victoria sponge – the last two of which while inspirational, are not exactly cupcake friendly. Leave it to the domesticated goddess and former tax invader Martha Stewart to come up with the perfect solution for me.

These little mini cakes wooed both the Dream Bears and SpandXXX, didn’t wilt in the July ‘heat’, and have been lovingly added to my permanent collection. I honestly can't remember the last time I swooned over something that's come out of my oven, quite as much as these cakes.

With their dose of strawberry jam (or whichever your preference) hidden in the middle these are nuggets of pure gold. Even better, without a typical cupcake frosting (ala buttercream or cream cheese) one can (and did) justify eating them for breakfast, mid-day snack, and dessert.

swine shwine...

It really is on the tips of everyone’s tongues. Long lost are excuses based on allergies and hay fever. The common cold has gone by the wayside like obvious excessive consumption. In its place, with every sniffle, cough and tissue are looks that could peel paint. I’ll admit I’ve perpetuated this problem. Stick me next to someone on the Tube with even a slight sniffle and I physically turn my body and even give a bit of an eye raise glare too. My antibacterial gel is my new accessory of choice. This was all well and good until I was the one sitting at work last Monday thinking:

11:00 am: “Dang, my allergies are really bad today. I’m feeling quite congested.”

12:00 pm: “Hmmm, I’ve a bit of a tickle in my throat...that’s just symptomatic of being STARVING. What’s for lunch?”

2:00 pm: “Hmmm, my allergies don’t really ever give me a sore throat. Must be some new cleaning product they have introduced to the office.”

4:00 pm: “Cough. Cough. Cough. Achoo. Cough. Cough. Cough. I feel like a dumpster garbage truck. How am I getting home on the Tube without people taking me out?”

One week later I’m still quarantined in my flat - having been sent home from work. My pleas of "I'm REALLY fine" made no difference to those who really didn't want to be sat near a coughing sneezing mess. Still, I’ve made it out a fair bit (nothing short of bringing Miss Candi Cupcakes out for a performance at Koko) – and even snuck into the office three days last week. Still, I've been “that person”. The one with the embarrassingly red nose, the one that was interviewing for a new project and had to say “sorry, probably best if I don’t shake your hand” , the one who has sworn over and over that “it’s not swine flu – if it was... certainly I’d have a fever and upset tummy (I didn’t) and wouldn’t have an appetite (I did).”

Lucky for me, in the midst of all of this I received my first ever “Organic Fruit and Veg” box from Abel and Cole. Technically for 1 person– forget about your '5 a day' – it was more like '12 a day'. There were so many carrots, potatoes, broad beans and zucchini I couldn’t even begin to think of what I was going to do with them. Throw in a massive head of cabbage and I was at a loss. Considering this was all just about when the cold was kicking off – I figured that a batch of vegetable and bean soup would work nicely.

Clearly with so many veggies to try and use up (and I only used about 2/3) my measurements were a bit off...and needless to say what was meant to be about 3-4 servings of veggie soup turned into 12.

I now say – swine flu – come if you must! My freezer is chock full with enough soup to get me (and my flatmate - she's having some for dinner tonight as she thinks she's coming down with whatever I have too) through a round of it...or really bad "allergies"...whatever comes first!

Relais de Venise L’Entrecôte

It really was the making of a Hollywood romcom. Three friends sitting around a table discussing life, debating love, eating good food and drinking wine. A pact was made – signed in (well, a secret steak sauce...naturally) with promises to return back to the same restaurant 12 months later. What would change in a year? Would relationships, psyches and work still be the same? What would they be proud (or maybe not so proud of)?

Fast forward to last Sunday, 12 months to the day. Not exactly all the drama that a Hollywood studio would have crammed into 90 minutes (which would have resulted in friend A dating friend B and friend C ending up gay)– but lots of real life none-the-less.

A few dating stories for the ages, one new love, a fair bit of sharing, a touch of smuttiness, about 30 pounds lost, a near battle with tears, a ‘professional’ dancer, and more promises for another check-in – in 12 more months.

Clearly the venue needed to be consistent - Relais de Venise L’Entrecôte. Perfect in its simplicity (I don't believe they even have a menu) and with locations in London, Paris, New York, and Barcelona, the restaurant does one thing – and one thing only. Thankfully it does it well - steak, salad, and frites accompanied by their secret sauce (which I’ve deconstructed to be about 75% butter, a bit of pesto, and a couple other special ingredients). Oh, and please don’t ask for your steak medium-rare (imposseeblah)! It is served rare or it is served medium. No maybes. No ifs. And certainly no in-betweens. It really is the perfect spot for the indecisive.

Keeping with our not-so-healthy theme of the evening we headed back to C’s flat for some home-made coconut strawberry cheesecake and a bit more gossip. Not usually a cheesecake fan, it had been a special request from B – having recently celebrated a 29th birthday. However, I impressively polished off more than B and C combined (somewhat atypical ) but again – may have been the boozy mango vodka I added into the mixture....a delicious addition I must admit!

Glastonbury Eats

As one who typically plans what she's eating 2 to 3 meals in advance, I was slightly worried about my first Glastonbury experience. In short I packed enough food for a family of 4 to survive the long weekend. Needless to say there was a fair bit that got binned in the end.

Weighing down my backpack:

3 litres of red wine
1 litre cranberry juice
1 litre tonic water
1 litre apple juice
Assortment of bottled water
Tins of tuna (3)
Cashews
Granola Bars (10)
Home-made banana-nut muffins (10)
Home made “Hidden Treasure” biscuits (20)
Thai Green Curry Rice Cakes
Harvest Grain Snacks (aka Sun Chips)
Apples (7)
Clementines (10)
Package of Ryvita
Package (large) or starbursts
(Miscellaneous items which I can’t completely remember)

It was a brilliant idea to bring food for breakfast; those apples and granola bars got eaten right up. Probably the only place I really got it wrong was with the beverages. We used up the tonic water and apple juice when mixing our daily cocktails but probably 2.5 litres of the wine went to waste. Not surprisingly none of us really felt like drinking red wine when it was about 85 degrees out (unless it was chilled and being served in a sangria jug) which clearly it was not.

I’m not sure what I’d expected to see when it came to food at Glastonbury but there really was something for everyone. Worried that I’d be resigned to greasy burgers I managed to do quite well gobbling up a very tasty falafel wrap on the first day, some jerk chicken and salad which much to my surprise was perfectly ‘jerky’, a “Heidi Pie” (goats cheese, red onion and butternut squash) from Pieminster, late night post-Neil Young fish and chips, and one of my personal faves - the noodles with veggie tempura that I happened upon twice in 36 hours.

Surprisingly enough we actually only managed around 1 meal a day (not including breakfast detailed above). Occasionally there was also a midnight snack to be had. Clearly we were resigned to consuming most of our calories in a liquid version - found primarily in pints of cider throughout the day.

Winners and Losers

This month there have been some clear winners. Some of the losers have come up just a tad short and others miles off. For those that weren’t up to snuff…there was an element of rushing (trying to get two desserts out of my oven between 11 pm and 6:30 am (mid-week)) and others just didn’t fit as snugly as they should - although it didn’t stop me from eating them.

Winners:
Individual crustless cheddar, prosciutto, asparagus, mushroom quiches:
1. Filling
2. With salad, perfect for a mid-week dinner
3. EASY to make

Caramel cake (cupcakes) – both versions with slight variations made within a 72 hour period
1. Heaven
2. on
3. a
4. plate

Spinach Salad with roasted Aubergine, toasted pine nuts, grilled garlic chicken, pickled beets, feta and dried cranberries
1. Healthy
2. Perfect sweet, salty, bitter, tart combo
3. Except for setting of my smoke detector three x roasting the aubergine, EASY


Runner-up:
Chocolate brownies with fresh raspberries

I was told by one event attendee that the brownies were “the best brownies I have ever had in my entire life”. But seeing as the comment came from a professional nutritionist who eats products with sugar only once every 10 days I wasn’t sure if it was her sugar-deprived mind talking. I mean, I almost thought it could have been spoonful of fluff and she would have said the same thing. WEIRD.

2nd to last place:
Peanut chocolate caramel brownies

With a name as heavenly as this how could these have been bad? Well whatever random combination I threw together resulted in a cake like brownie – not a gooey fudgy bliss bar that I’d been hoping for. I really wanted to like them as indicated by eating 4 in a row – almost willing it, but in the end I just thought they were ok. Again, lots of friends thought they were great – but I wonder sometimes about these friends of mine…that maybe they're using the old positive reinforcement to just keep the food coming. I’m on to you guys!

Last place – relegated to el dumpster-o.
Coconut almond macaroons

Trying hard to get something made as quickly as possible and not having any time to make it to the supermarket resulted in these tasteless and gummy like cookies. Not my shining moment. Even when doused in really good dark chocolate - it was like wrapping Pamela Anderson up in Chanel.

Thai-tally Awesome

I hate peppers. I have always hated peppers. Except for black pepper in seasoning, I’ve never met a pepper I liked. In particular I hate bell peppers and I don’t discriminate by colour – yellow, green, red…they are all horrible. I mean really, what is it about peppers that makes them like large sweaty wife-beater wearing men on a hot, humid day…you can smell them from a mile off and they permeate everything they come near.

Now chili peppers are a slightly different story for me. I’d been under the assumption these too would be my Public Enemy #1. However, in the past year or so I’d noticed I didn’t really mind if I saw little flecks of red in my food – it gave whatever I was eating a little kick but didn’t actually taste like a pepper. Still, while I was happy to foray into the world of sweet chili sauce I’d never actually cooked with chili peppers in my life. Sad for someone as food-loving as myself, but what can I say? I’ve been a chicken.

Always looking for something new, interesting, quasi-healthy and easy to add to my ever growing list of dinner staples I recently made a “Thai Burger” recipe I’d found on the BBC food website.

Alongside the burgers:

- Corn and Cilantro fritters with a sweet chili sauce
- Strawberry, Raspberry and Rhubarb pie (didn’t really go with the Thai theme but I’d been craving some in-season rhubarb I was seeing at the farmer's market)

While it wasn’t meant to be a competition and all three items turned out well, the front runner of the night was definitely the Thai Burger. When I came across the recipe I’d been slightly concerned with the mention of a red chili pepper. What would it be like if I just skipped it? Where would I buy these strange peppers? I know, I know...I was being an idiotic scardy cat. I even almost scrapped the whole idea and went for a Beef Kofta recipe I’d seen instead. However, after realising that these chilies are as common as basil and thyme (in a little package at Waitrose with all the other fresh herbs) it just seemed silly to keep this battle with chili peppers going any longer.

The only tips I'd provide based on the as-is recipe below is that I went the ground pork route and thought it was outstanding. I also did a variation on their suggestion of sweet chili sauce on the bread. Instead I mixed equal portions sweet chili sauce and hoisin (plum) sauce and spread that on instead. And don't skip the cucumbers- fantastic with the burgers.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/database/thaispicedburgers_70173.shtml

American Girl

You can take the girl out of the US but you can’t take the US out of the girl. It’s now been over 2 years since I first moved from across the pond, and with my recent news that I won’t be kicked out of the country any time soon, I've been able to sit back, relax, ponder (and bake).

Contrary to friend's and family’s expectations, in my time here I've not acquired a faux British accent like Madonna (ok, perhaps on a night out if I get wound up). BUT to be fair – in equal measures when living in Boston I would whip out a Southie accent when having a few beeahs with my friends. It's always a good giggle.

While I may have skipped Madge's accent I’d be lying if I said I’d not acclimatised in some ways. Clearly I now use ‘s’s instead of ‘z’s (I blame that on work). On the flip side I do stick true to my roots by keeping words like ‘folks’ and ‘dang’ active in my vocabulary. At work, probably what makes me stick out the most as a stars and stripes lover is that I’m perpetually on time to meetings. My British counterparts find it socially expectable to start 5-10 minutes late…oh and I smile. Apparently it’s not ok to smile at people unless you’ve known them for a few years. If you haven't and you do you are deemed:

A. a psycho

B. on medication

C. a smitten stalker OR

D. all of the above

Eh, don’t get me wrong – I love my “glass is half empty” life here in London and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I mean invariably the glass fills up, you just have to be patient for about a day - because no doubt it's going to start raining again soon.

There are many things that are Americana to their core:
- Baseball
- Burgers
- Plastic Surgery
- Chocolate Chip/Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

I may have skipped the raisins because I was feeling greedy and wanted to double up on the chocolate instead, but last week I pulled out some amazing Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies. Ironically, even though the cookie is reminiscent of home, one of the best recipes I’ve come across is by Ozzie chef, Bill Granger. They were snatched and loved up in equally quick measures. I think it must be because with over 2 cups of oats they are actually “healthy", right?

The recipe comes from Bill's book "Bill's Food".

Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies

150g unsalted butter
230g soft brown sugar
1 egg, lightly beaten
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
125g plain (all purpose) flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
a pinch of salt
235g rolled oats
175g chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 180C
2. Cream butter and sugar until fluffy and smooth
3. Add egg and vanilla and beat until smooth
4. Add flour, baking powder and salt into bowl and mix lightly
5. Add oats and chocolate chips and stir to combine
6. Roll tablespoons of mixture into balls and place on baking tray
7. Flatten with a fork dipped in flour
8. Bake 15-20 minutes, or until pale golden
9. Remove from oven and cool for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely

Guilty Pleasures presents...

There is a time and a place for gold lamé, fluorescent pink legwarmers and a waterfall of glitter and sequins.

The time: Last Saturday night
The place: Indigo Lounge at the 02 arena

As the newest member of the recently formed dance troupe the discob$tches (yes, one word) I was in all out alter ego mode (Miss Candi Cupcakes, s'il vous plait) as I arrived through the VIP gates at the 02 arena last Saturday night.

With 4 costume changes our VIP dressing room looked like a bedazzler gone wild. To keep up energy levels for our 4 performances throughout the night and being a good Miss Cupcakes – I brought some of my specialities in for the backstage VIP (did I mention VIP :-) ?) party.

Not content with just any plain jane cupcake I pimped my cakes out discob$tch style. Ordering edible scarlet glitter and gold stars online I made basic chocolate cupcake and a vanilla butter cream frosting. Turning the frosting a shocking shade of bubble gum pink-it set off the glitter and gold stars to perfection and were really...a guilty pleasure for all.

Spring Bake

Every spring in college campuses across the US there’s a right of passage that everyone undergoes at least once in their 4 years at University. Known as Spring Break it’s the excuse to get away from (in my instance) 16 foot snow banks and freezing temperatures, hop on a plane with your best friends and spend 6 days/nights in (fill in the blank with... Cancun, Florida, Jamaica) behaving with debauchery, dancing poolside in a bikini, drinking from morning until night on ridiculously sugary cocktails nicknamed “sea breeze” or “sex on the beach” (drinks we wouldn’t be caught DEAD ordering as grown-ups) and all-in-all behaving in ways that even the most liberal of east-coast parents would cringe at.

In my attempt at becoming a quasi grownup (last year’s “Spring Break” was a vodka and Bolshoi filled weekend in Moscow) this year I’m staying much closer to home. For 2009 in an attempt to beat the credit crunch and limit some of my extraneous travel, Spring Break has become “Spring Bake”.

On the menu:

1. Coconut vanilla-bean lime cupcakes
2. Quadruple threat muffins
3. Lemon and almond cake with strawberry coulis

Coconut Cupcakes:

When I saw these cupcakes come out in a recent issue of Bon Appetit it was like someone had shown me a private sneak peek trunk show of Jimmy Choo's winter 2010 line - I wanted them then and there. I held out for ACB's recent visit and after picking her up from the airport and heading back to my flat to a home-made butternut squash and roasted parsnip soup and a caramelised onion and cauliflower tart, we tucked into these beautiful little treats.

I changed the recipe a bit, only using vanilla bean paste and vanilla extract in lieu of the vanilla bean (it was £5.50 people) and I grated in some fresh lime zest into the batter. Both moves were successful and I'd suggest doing the same if like me, you don't have vanilla beans growing on your house plants.

I found the cake portion of the cupcakes was one of the best I've ever had - so moist and tasty that it'll be a staple from now on. However, I was slightly less than super impressed with the frosting - it was a bit too much. Having felt like I'd sort of been sucker punched, I found I was scraping a little bit of it off not wanting to eat it all, which I think might actually be against my religion (or at least an unspoken Cook/Bernstein family rule). My recommendation would be to replace it with either a chocolate butter cream or a coconut cream cheese frosting.

You can find the original recipe here: http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Vanilla-Bean-Coconut-Cupcakes-with-Coconut-Frosting-352095

Quadruple threat muffins

This recipe is a brainchild of a little bit of input from my mom, my cousin, and in the end my cupboard and local farmer's market.

I was heading over to VF's lovely South Ken abode for brunch last Sunday and knew that she'd appreciate some home-made muffins. What started out as blueberry muffins morphed into a strawberry rhubarb compote, strawberry, blueberry, raspberry muffin. There was so much fruit bursting from these little guys that you couldn't help but think they were actually really healthy.

2.5 cups flour
1 cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 stick (113 grams) butter (melted)
2 eggs
3/4 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon vinegar
1 tablespoon orange juice
1 cup cut rhubarb
1 cup strawberries, washed and cut in half
1/4 cup blueberries
1/4 cup raspberries
1/2 cup Demerara sugar

1. Preheat oven to 190 deg C or 375 deg F
2. Combine first 5 ingredients in a large bowl
3. Over low heat cook rhubarb and 1/3 cup of sliced strawberries in orange juice until liquids are released and fruit is soft and tender
4. In a separate large bowl combine next melted butter, eggs, milk, vinegar
5. Into butter container spoon 2 tablespoons of released liquid from strawberry rhubarb compote
6. Combine raspberries, blueberries and remaining strawberries together in a separate bowl
7. Take half of berry mixture and add to food processor, pulsing 2 or 3 times (fruit should still retain some of it's shape)
8. Into butter mixture add strawberry rhubarb compote, pulsated berries, and remaining berries
9. Add berry-butter mixture to dry ingredients and stir just until blended
10. Scoop about 2 tablespoons of batter into lined muffin cups - filling until almost the top and sprinkle with Demerara sugar
11. Bake for 25 minutes or until golden brown and toothpick inserted in centre comes out clean
12. Best served warm - with even more fruit jam!

Lemon and almond cake with strawberry coulis

For the past two years I've been lucky to celebrate Passover with RL's family. This year was at his brother's finance's parent's house and it was complete with children (very late 20s) fighting over who was the youngest (RL) and should be forced to do the four questions. I'm happy to report that while the majority of the Seder was done in Hebrew it followed my family's suit in that it lasted about 20 minutes long, was buffered by exorbitant amounts of food and surprisingly good kosher wine. Hats off to the hosts.

My contribution came in the form of a lemon and almond cake. Notoriously difficult to procure tasty Passover confections, what makes this dessert one of the best I've ever made is that in it's nature it's not trying to be something it's not (e.g. it's not calling for 2 cups of matzo meal to replace normal flour). Taking those square pegs and trying to fill those round holes usually ends up with an overly dry cloying cake that sticks to the roof of your mouth and beckons a fast forwarding of 7 days when you can stop eating the disturbing and not so enjoyable stuff. (Ahem, that's if one is actually keeping Passover which I don't think I ever have).

What makes this cake great is that at it's foundation is almond meal (ground almonds) and lots of eggs. Whipping up and then folding in 6 eggs whites creates a light and moist (for Passover standards) cake.

No substitutions or additions to this one although pick whatever berry you want for the coulis. I've used raspberries before as well: http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Almond-Lemon-Torte-with-Fresh-Strawberries-241871

Sudafrikah

Vietnam is to Spring roll
China is to Dumpling
South Africa is to:

A. Biltong
B. Warthog paté
C. Simba Crisps – Mrs. Balls Chutney Flavour
D. Bobotie
E. All of the above

My recent journey to South Africa brought me face-to-face with a number of spectacular (male lion), humbling (Cape Town Township), unusual (game meat patés), breathtaking (Table Mountain), and mouth-watering (Malva Pudding) things.

There were certainly moments I questioned my sanity before tucking in – what the Kwa-Mibili lodge lacked in the food department they made up for in personable service and amazing game drives. However, RL and I made up for lost eating in Franschhoek and Cape Town. With both Asian, European and African food on hand, we were spoilt for choice.

Franschhoek brought RL and I face-to-face with our first bobotie, a South African dish consisting of spiced minced meat baked with an egg-based topping. Franschhoek, known as the “gourmet capital of South Africa” was high on my list of places to visit. The highlight was the restaurant Kalfi's - specifically the bobotie, the pineapple and fresh olive salad, and the Malva pudding (an apricot cake served with hot custard).

Kalfi’s is the spot in Franschhoek that you don’t read about in guide books nor gets recommended as one of the town’s “hotspots”. It’s the “Cheers” tavern – the local hangout where literally everybody knows your name. Case in point, on our first night there the owner was over at our table – talking to us about plans for his next vacation. The atmosphere was relaxed, the food perfect, and the wine local and cheap. For two travellers a long way from home, it couldn’t have been more ideal.

Now if Kalfi’s is like Cheers then neighbouring Reuben’s is meant to be The French Laundry, complete with hard to book tables, celebrity chef and cookbooks for sale. Highly recommended by friends and travel guides alike, we’d managed to score a reservation for our second night in Franschhoek.

In a word, poo. Reuben’s was overpriced and over hyped. Ta’boot the service was slow and staff were rude. I mean really, you want me to kiss your @ss just because you work at Reuben’s? No thanks franks, I’m not impressed.

Another highlight of our eats in Franschhoek was lunch at La Petite Ferme. It helped that we had just finished a half day wine tour and La Petite Ferme also doubles as a vineyard. RL was spoilt for choice with a number of game options finally deciding to go the ostrich steak route. Personally I think I chose the front runner with a fig and pork burger served with a beetroot chutney and crispy pancetta.

Off to Cape Town we went, borrowing from a recent New York Times article we found ourselves at Noordhoek's finest, the Foodbarn, soaking up the sunshine and being served lunch by the adorable Ben. At a cheap R190 ($19 or £13) we gobbled up 3 courses and a carafe of wine each. On my menu:

1. Spicy prawn “pastille” served atop curried lentil tian, finished with raita and cardamom oil
2. Veal “paillarde” minute fried, served with a butternut & pine nut risotto, finished with a creamy garlic sauce & drops of cinnamon oil
And the pièce de résistance …
3. Sliced Chocolate and almond biscuit Yule log, served with toffee & vanilla sauce, finished with homemade hazelnut ice cream (I really don’t get the whole Yule log thing in March, but it worked so I forgive)

Of course none of this fabulous food was African inspired so RL and I made a few extra excursions for our daily bobotie fix, most notably at the Africa Café. While touristy in nature (and intention) we were able to eat our way around the great continent – covering off about half a dozen African countries and sampling a host of interesting dishes such as:

1. Tapioca bread baked with cheese and yogurt (fried cheese bread, delicious)
2. Spinach and mealie meal patties
3. Botswana Seswaa Masala (a game curry)
4. Mozambican piri piri dip (oh the joy of watching RL take a whole hunka in his mouth in one fell swoop…this alone was worth the price of dinner)

With the credit crunch in full effect I won't be heading back to South Africa in the near future. Luckily with my friend google in hand I've managed to score some sweet Bobotie and Malva Pudding recipes. If Dana can't get to the Bobotie, let the Bobotie come to Dana.

Sophisticated Trailer Park Treats

Bless my flatmate and the fact that she doesn’t cook. Over the past two years I’ve managed to take over our small kitchen without a peep of a complaint from her. As a result you can now find my cooking gear stuffed into every nook and cranny of my kitchen.

Due to the small size I’ve had to improvise. Non-perishable foods often sit in the space behind my living room couch waiting to be rotated into the game. A sneak peak in my wardrobe might also discover cake pans lined up like toy soldiers next to handbags.


This week I must have been reaching maximum saturation because when I opened my 1 cupboard (yes, only 1) I nearly got a shiner from a jar of peanut butter ricocheting onto me. It's not surprising really, it's like Kirstie Alley (post Jenny Craig) and a wet suit, at somepoint - somethings going to give.

The peanut butter incident was the catalyst for me to clear out some of the items in my cupboard that have been just taking up space and not getting any love for quite a few months now.

First and foremost to the chopping block was a large bag of jumbo marshmallows I’d smuggled into the UK in preparation for Thanksgiving - thinking (incorrectly) that I might make those sickly sweet yams covered in marshmallows. Having opted for a more savoury approach I still had the bag sitting unopened. Now I know that marshmallows have a shelf span of about 145 years, but still - I was imagining a much more sensible item I might be able to replace it with.

Somewhat limited for time and options, I decided on quintessential Americana – Rice Crispy Treats. This 1980's 'snap, crackle, pop' snack was to be found at every school bake sale and birthday party. They were eaten after games of ‘capture the flag,’ at cast parties, and after too many hours outside on the ‘slip 'n slide’. They require no effort, no skill in the kitchen, and cost basically nothing to make.


If I was going to make something so simple and W.T. then I knew I was going to have to gussy it up a bit, kinda like finding a Mercedes at the Trailer Park.

Pretty tasty in the end, I added dried sour cherries and toasted coconut to the rice crispy treats and then drizzeled the whole lot with artisinal dark chocolate.

Rice Crispy Treats with Cherries, Coconut, & Chocolate

50 grams (1/2 stick) butter
1 large package marshmallows
7 cups of rice crispies
1/2 cup dried sour cherries (optional)
1/2 cup dried sweetened coconut - toasted (optional)
3 oz dark chocolate (melted for drizzling)


1. Melt butter in large microwave safe bowl

2. Add marshmallows and coat with butter, place back in microwave for another 90 seconds - stir until melted and mixed completely

3. Add rice crispies, cherries, dried coconut

4. Place in a 13 x 9 x 2-inch pan and press down


5. Drizzle with melted dark chocolate

All things Sacred

I love my neighbourhood in London. It’s a 45 second walk from the Piccadilly line, has a Waitrose grocery store 5 minutes away, and Upper Street with all of it’s cute boutiques, fun bars and restaurants is just a short walk down the Holloway Road.

However, it can’t be denied that my immediate neighbourhood is slightly dodgy. My building is surrounding on one side by a counsel estate and another by the borough of Islington’s refuse and recycling centre. Spattered nearby is a “Tennessee Fried Chicken”, an assortment of kebab shops, and an exorbitant amount of stores selling Tupperware, mops and stale candy (together).

The fairly recent influx of a Tesco Express has been a nice touch for picking up the basic grocery essentials. However, the neighbourhood still has a ways to go to change it’s ghetto-fied image.

There are a number of retail spaces in my flat complex that they’ve been trying to fill in the 2 years I’ve lived here. To start I think most retailers weren’t as impressed with the neighbourhood as the property owners had hoped. That combined with our current economic situation (in the gutter) meant that it was going to be a while before anything opened up in the retail space in my building.

I’m going to make a wager that they’ve negotiated some sort of free rent for the first few months, but regardless - a new café has just opened in my building. And like the name “Sacred” it really is a gift from above.

Sacred Café has an outpost on Carnaby Street and as soon as I walked in it was love at first sight.

The interior is cool, with religious icons, interesting black and white portraits, and some curious kitsch (a monkey on a surfboard?) splattering their walls. They carry a basic brunch menu like free range scrambled eggs, spring onion and feta cheese on wholemeal toast or a paté of the day with toast and caramelised red onion chutney. They also bake some of their pastries, and on that first visit I decided to sit in with my coffee instead of taking it away – just so I could spend 15 minutes in the sweet scented bliss of butter and sugar coming out of their kitchen.

With the credit crunch in full effect it will be hard to justify the Sacred jaunts when my own stocked kitchen is literally next door – but it’s fantastic as a treat or when friends come visit. Plus it’s such a great addition to the neighbourhood.

With its cool vibe and friendly wait staff it’s just the love that this forgotten spot on Holloway Road needs.

Thinking Like a Man

Sometimes I think I’m a man. Scratch that (no, not THAT)…

…sometimes I think like a man.

For all of my painted toes, glossy lips, love of lacy dresses and high heels I can’t escape the fact that while I may not pee standing up (except for a small number of public restrooms in China) I do have a few male tendencies:

1. Abhorring neediness in the opposite sex
It’s scary and wrong. If you need someone that bad, call your mother, not me.

2. Independence
I need mine like an addict.

3. Freaking out at the mention of commitment (or babies)*
Gulp. If I smell it then I’ll smell ya later.

4. Thinking excessive amounts of emoticons are stupid:
Riddling every sentence with them, come on - be a grown up.

In homage to that little bit of me that requires ‘alone time’ and ‘let’s not talk about feelings time’ I’ve created a male dominated menu for my Sunday Supper.

Chilli
Before you even judge the fact that the recipe calls for ground turkey over ground beef remember that even big strong manly men need to watch their saturated fat intake.

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion chopped
4 cloves garlic chopped
2 teaspoons dried oregano
2 teaspoons ground cumin
500 g (just over 1lb) lean ground turkey
¼teaspoon cayenne pepper
¼ teaspoon chili flakes
½ teaspoon garlic powder
3 small bay leaves
1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 400 gram (about 28 oz) cans crushed tomatoes
3 ½ cups chicken stock
100 grams (about 3.5 ounces) tomato puree
3 400 gram (about 15-ounce) cans small white beans, rinsed, drained – I used a mixture of cannellini and flageolet
2 cups diced courgette (zucchini)
Chopped fresh cilantro
Light sour cream /crème fraiche
Store bought (good) guacamole

Preparation
- Heat oil in large pot over medium heat
- Add onions and garlic; sauté until translucent, about 10 minutes
- Add oregano and cumin
- Increase heat to medium-high
- Add turkey; stir until no longer pink, breaking up with back of spoon
- Stir in cayenne pepper, chili flakes, garlic powder, bay leaves, cocoa powder, salt and cinnamon
- Add crushed tomatoes
- Mix in stock and tomato paste
- Bring to boil
- Reduce heat; simmer 45 minutes, stirring occasionally
- Meanwhile: blanch courgette (can be as simple as placing the courgette with 1 tablespoon water in a microwave on high for 90-120 seconds)
- Add beans to chili and simmer until flavors blend, 5 minutes
- Add courgette, simmer for 5 more minutes
- Discard bay leaves
- If possible make a day ahead so flavours have time to settle
- Rewarm over medium-low heat and serve with fresh cilantro, sour cream or crème fraiche, and guacamole

Chocolate Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies
Filled with a chocolate peanut butter fudge these cookies are rich and sinfully delicious. They're also simple to make - and like two desserts in one.

*For any trauma this comment causes my mother, apologies in advance.