Rotten Cotton Lemon Puffs

I was at my new client site today, piddling along, when I got up to grab some water. In their break room I found a large tin containing a variety of treats (I’d been told to help myself…so of course I did). I took the lid off, and the dialogue in my head proceeded to go something like this:

Dana’s head: “Oooooh, a sandwich cookie! I like those. I’ll take one.”

Dana takes bite #1.

Dana's head: “Oh weird. What is this? It looks and tastes like a Ritz cracker with lemon-flavoured toothpaste in the middle. Ugh.”

Dana takes 2nd bite (hoping it’s going to get better).

Dana's head: “Yuck. Oh, let me see what they’re called. Hmmm…package is broken but looks like Jacob’s Lemon P”

Dana takes 3rd bite.

Dana's head: “Why am I still eating this? It’s disgusting.”

Dana takes one last bite and finishes the cookie.

Today, the 24th of June, 2008 goes down in history as the day I ate the most disgusting biscuit/cookie ever. After googling "Jacob’s Lemon P” I learned they are officially called "Jacob’s Lemon Puffs". Please note, the first website I clicked on had a review that read...

“I'm sorry but now I have nothing good to say about Jacobs Lemon Puff's… an attempt to manufacture puff pastry in biscuit form which is hard and disgusting…a spot of …lemon paste.”

Obviously the Jacob’s website feels differently and described them in the following manner (my commentary in italics).

“Jacob's have been baking cream-filled biscuits for generations and they remain as popular today as they were a century ago (oh really? is it the same batch from 1908?). Smooth, soft cream (let's be honest...the word is pasty) sandwiched between two Jacob's biscuits…is distinctive (yep, agreement here - it certainly was THIS)…with flavour jam… making for a unique (again agreement) and tasty (ha! Is this a joke?) treat.

My advice – avoid Jacob’s Lemon Puffs like the Central line/Grand Central at rush hour.

Dos café con leche, s’il vous plait?

Our atrocious French/Spanish mix-up ran rampant during my recent weekend in Paris with LM. You know that special area of the brain reserved for language skills? Yeah, mine doesn’t exist. Or if it ever did - was replaced with a pretty decent knowledge of tropical Asian fruits. Yeah, I know – I lost out on this one.

Horrible lingual skills aside, LM and I got up to a fair bit of mischief over our 2 ½ days in Paris. When it came to our copious food and wine consumption (the best vin of the weekend being the cuvee fie gris from Domaine Jacky Preys & Fils) we counteracted it all with a self-directed (aka - we had no idea where the hell we were going) walking tour of the city. It was grey and chilly but it didn’t make much difference to us.

For certain, Paris provides a battle upon the senses. It’s a culture that oozes sophistication and style like ripe brie that’s been sat out to ready itself for consumption. Everywhere I turned was some scrumptious confection looking even more perfect than the one I strolled past minutes before. On a number of occasions I could hear the lulling of “How much is that doggie in the window”… only my cute little doggy was a strawberry tart, a basket of cannelés or a home-made chocolate éclair. If Hansel and Gretal made a visit to Paris they may have left a trail of breadcrumbs to find their way back to their hotel. I think I left my face imprinted on patisserie shop windows.

And I’m not ashamed; I’ll admit…possibly a bit of drool at some of the finer establishments.

Pastry stalking aside, we managed to get off of the beaten track a bit and found some great up and coming bistros and wine shops to spend a fair bit of our time. While not necessarily ready to board the Eurostar back to London Sunday afternoon – we ended our weekend with an excellent brunch at La Cantine de Quentin. However, this time around the most delicious dish served up was most certainly NOT on the menu…and it filled us up and kept is happy until nearly home 3 hours later…

Girly Ultimate

White Sangria with fresh passionfruit and peaches.

Cupcakes with pink frosting.

SATC.

There are some things best done with your girlfriends.

The SATC premier has been on the lips of every woman I know this past week. One would think it was THE event of the summer. In one day alone I received texts and emails from 5 different friends checking in to see what my plan was for seeing it. I knew of 4 different groups having “SATC Premiere Parties," complete with cosmos as a starter, the last few episodes of the series as a main course, and saving the best for last - an excursion to the cinema to watch the movie for dessert. I'd decided on a slightly different route (late afternoon showing, followed by dinner and drinkies with 3 friends).

We weren't planning to make a fuss about it. Still, texts started flying in around noon that day...What shoes would I wear? Prada. What was I wearing? White trousers, black top, red accessories. Makeup? Not much because what’s the point when you're sitting in the dark.

I’ve come to think (realise) sometimes (most of the time) I’m a little crazy. The whole outfit planning experience made me realise it's not a Dana thing. It's just a female thing. At the theatre we found the following demographics:

1. Gaggles of women dressed up like they were going to some swank bar


2. Gay men


3. Straight men (in total - 3 of them - all looking suitably miserable)

The lead-up to the movie had me busily bee-ing with a new project at work. However, I was still excited and managed to start the girly theme off early in the week with homemade White Sangria and Cupcakes for JB’s 31st birthday. Festivities were held in the very unglamorous, but strangely exciting Horsham.

We even had our own SATC moment complete with that guy that you haven't seen in a year. JB, acting as my very own Miranda, made a comment that went something like: “Wow, you’ve had a rough year. You look like shit. Still as big a jerk as ever, right?” Pure Comedy.

White Sangria with Peaches and Passionfruit

• 1 bottle Cava or white wine, chilled


• ¼ cup peach juice (use orange if peach is too high-mai)


• ¼ - ½ cup lemonade (lemonade is actually Sprite/7-Up for you Yanks)


• ½ cup green grapes cut in half


• 2 peaches cut into small pieces


• The pulp from 2 passionfruits


• Lots of ice

Combine all ingredients in a large pitcher and add a bit more juice/lemonade to taste. Let sit for about 30 minutes in the fridge if possible (JB and I lasted about 3 minutes).

Vanilla Cupcakes with Pink and Chocolate Buttercream Frosting

Cupcakes

• 1/2 cup (113 grams) unsalted butter, room temp


• 2/3 cup (130 grams) granulated sugar


• 2 large eggs


• 1½ tsp vanilla


• 2 tbsp strawberry jam


• 1 1/2 cups (210 grams) flour


• 1 teaspoons baking powder


• 1/4 teaspoon salt


• 1/4 cup (60 ml) milk

Preheat oven to 350 F (176 C).
Line a muffin tin with paper/foil wrappers.
Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
Add the eggs, one at a time
Add vanilla extract and strawberry jam.
In a separate bowl mix together flour, baking powder and salt.
Add to egg/butter mixture along with milk until just combined.
Fill the muffin tin and bake in the oven for about 20 minutes until lightly browned.
Remove from oven and let cool completely before frosting.

Frosting

• 1/2 cup (113 grams) unsalted butter, room temp


• 1½ tsp vanilla


• 2 cups (230 grams) confectionary sugar


• 3 tbsp milk


• 3½ oz (100 grams) milk chocolate, melted and cooled to room temp


• 4-6 drops red food colouring

Cream butter until smooth – about 2 minutes.
Add vanilla.
Slowly add the confectionary sugar until well blended.
Add the milk and then beat on high for approximately 5 minutes or until it reaches a “fluffy” frosting consistency.
To make the chocolate buttercream take half of the frosting and slowly fold in the melted chocolate.
To make the pink buttercream, slowly fold in the food colouring to the other half of the frosting (adding it slowly until you get the colour you are looking for).
Frost on completely cooled cupcakes.